Close Proximity
by JustClem
Summary: Lexi remembers the first time someone kisses her. (She'll never forget the first time she kisses that same someone.)


**Close Proximity**

_JustClem_

* * *

They're in Lexi's bedroom, chilling like two chillax teenagers ought to be chilling. Only, Lexi's not really as chill as she pretends to be. There is no reason for her to feel this way, but that doesn't really stop her brain from sending out sad chemicals throughout her soul.

Nothing bad happened; her grades aren't dropping, her non-existent boyfriend isn't cheating on her, and she didn't get food poisoning.

Rue looks at her, and her hair bounces as she does so. Lexi finds the motion odd in a cute sort of way. She wonders what it'll feel like to run her hand through Rue's hair. Will it be silky? Soft? Or will there be a sort of rough edge to it?

Lexi thinks it may be the latter. Despite being a beautiful rose, Rue has her thorns. Thorns grown from pain. Pain she can never quite recover from.

Then, Rue's snapping her fingers in front of Lexi's face, and Lexi's eyes go crossy. Her face leans back into itself in shock, and she bats Rue's hand away. "What the fuck?"

"I should be the one asking you that," Rue says, determined and straight-to-the-point. You can never get her to believe your bullshit, this girl. "You've been spacing out, like, forever. You missed all of the clever jokes!"

"Rue, this is _Love Island_. I doubt there are any good jokes, much less clever ones."

Rue's mouth twists up, and her eyes glances the same way too. "Eh-" she shrugs, "-fair," and Lexi thinks _God_, she's so expressive, it's _insane_. "But still, what's wrong?"

Lexi lets her head thump back down to the couch. Rue's hand rests on her thigh. It melts down what little resolve she has. "I don't know, and that's the problem."

But maybe she does know, and she's too afraid to admit it. She looks at Cassie and Maddy, and all the guys they hook up with, and something in her shifts and slithers and bounces uneasily.

The hand caresses her thigh, its touch featherly soft. Lexi likes the touch. She likes it when Rue touches her. Rue's so soft, so delicate, so nice, even when she pretends she isn't.

"Do you ever get, like, sad all of a sudden? And there's literally no reason why, and it makes you even more sad and kind of mad because, like, everything's fine and you should be happy, but you're not."

Lexi looks back at Rue and then she feels stupid. This is _Rue_ she's talking to, here, _of course_ she knows.

The hand in her thigh releases its grasp, but not before brushing and stroking one last time. Lexi misses the comfort before it even disappears.

Rue is contemplative. Lexi can tell from the way her eye and hand and foot tic almost rhythmically. Tap, tap, says her foot. Thump, thump, says her hand against the soft pads of the couch. Twitch, twitch, says her eye.

"Have you ever made out with someone?"

"W-what?" The question is so bizarre and out of nowhere, Lexi finds herself hot in the face, down to her neck. Her cheeks burn. "Why would you ask me this?"

Rue looks at her, and from the light glaze in her eyes, Lexi knows she's thinking too many thoughts per minute, calculating too many predictions, and eliminating and bringing up new variables to the equation.

Rue likes to say that her mind moves slow, and the world moves fast, but that couldn't be further away from the truth.

Rue is too fast for everyone to comprehend.

And Lexi is bad at comprehending things.

"I'm asking this because I'm asking this." Rue shifts, picks her feet up from the table, and rests them on the sofa, cross-legged. Rue's ankles touch her thighs, and Lexi becomes aware that this sofa is less like a sofa and more like a mini-sofa for one and a half person. "Now tell me the truth; have you ever fucked any dude?"

"Rue, I've never even kissed anyone before, and you know this."

Gosh, it's so embarrassing to admit. The heat in Lexi's cheeks multiplied, and she's sweating, even though the AC is on. She feels slimy.

Rue snaps her fingers. She's grinning madly when she says, "And that's the problem! You need to get fucked. Hard," like it's a wholesome and totally PG thing to say.

At this point, Lexi might die from how badly she's blushing. Why must Rue say it like that? Doesn't she know how to sweeten her words? Make them sound less, well, less _Rue-esque?_

"But I-" Lexi catches herself, and looks away. No, no, no. She can't tell anyone about this. Not even Rue.

Lexi looks back. Rue has her pleading puppy look on. Oh God. Lexi looks away. No, she tells herself. Not even Rue.

"Lexi…"

Nope. Not. Even. Rue.

"Alexi…"

Nada.

"I'm your best friend, Lexi. Please tell me…"

Fine, okay. _Maybe_ Rue. Almost always Rue.

Lexi utters a small "maybe I probably kind of definitely haven't kissed anyone" and slams her hands together. She grins a smile too bright when she says, "Okay! Let's get back to _Love Island!_" and hopes the pathetic excuse of a diversion will work.

But Rue isn't smiling, and that's how Lexi knows her words didn't fall on deaf ears.

The bright blush dies down, but something else replaces it. Something darker, more hollow. Shame, perhaps? Guilt?

Or maybe it's fear. Of Rue making fun of her because she's never kissed anyone. Of Rue thinking she's too much of a loser to hang out with. Of Rue spreading this to everyone in school, therefore labelling her as _The Vorever Virgin_.

Yeah. It's fear, alright.

Lexi will soon realise it's an unfounded fear, because this is Rue here she's talking about, she won't judge her, not even if she suddenly converted to a full-time Christian and became a nun. (Okay, maybe she'd judge her a _little_, but still.)

Rue blinks once, twice, and that's how Lexi gets her first kiss.

Rue makes sure to tell her she's not just kissing her for the sake of kissing her, and that this is no normal kiss, but a deep one, and this is a lesson Rue is teaching her for the real deal.

Lexi thinks that as far as first kisses go, this one's alright.

Rue's lips are chappy, and dry (but it has a strawberry-like taste to it, for some reason?), and Lexi thinks that her own lips are too full of moisture due to the lip chap she's put on.

But it's nice.

It's more than nice.

Lexi likes the way Rue's body presses against hers, and how gentle her touch is. She thinks that this is how her future boyfriend should hold her, and kiss her, and make her feel. This, right here.

Lexi wishes she knows what to do with her mouth, or her hands, or her body, but all she can do is take what Rue is offering, and offers nothing in return.

They pull away, and Lexi blinks too many times. She's shivering and sweating, and if she didn't know any better she'd think she's having a fever.

Rue's eyes narrow, and her lip purses. She swallows, opens her mouth. Nothing but hot air leaves it.

This is awkward. Lexi knows it. But she can't stop herself from looking at Rue, from noticing her, from wanting more of what she's been given.

There's something in the way Rue's looking at her, right at this moment. Lexi wants to capture it, capture the image with her eyes, save it in her brain forever so she can replay it time and time again without any of the details fading away.

But then it's gone. Washed away with her mom calling their names, telling them it's time for dinner.

It's squashed, whatever it is, by Rue's little smile and little laugh and little "let's go", and her skedaddling before Lexi can ever think to breathe or blink.

It's dead before it really sparks to live. And Lexi pretends it's not a big deal, only because Rue thinks so too. They're friends. The best of friends. And that's all they'll ever be.

…

In all fairness, Lexi does try to kiss boys. Or people in general.

There's this guy, Blane Something-Someone, who asks her out on a date. He's liked her for a while now.

Lexi knows she'll never be as popular as her friends and sister, but it's not like no one in school knows her, so she isn't that surprised. It's actually kind of super obvious that he likes her. That some boys like her.

As she, along with her body, grow, more people start to notice.

Sometimes she even finds Rue checking her out. Not in a weird way or anything, just a subtle glance.

It doesn't mean anything, Lexi keeps telling herself whenever it happens. It can't mean anything. She's probably just overreacting. Looking at things that aren't there.

So, um, boys. Boys that like her. There are a few of them. At least, as far as she knows. One of those boys is Blane. Blane Something-Someone. Or something. She doesn't remember, really. What she does remember is him cornering her after first period, flushing and acting like he isn't.

"Look, I really, really like you," he says, his voice shifting from too squeaky to too manly, unstable and rough in a way she doesn't like. "And so, uh, I think I'd like to kiss you."

He disgusts her. Not Blane himself, per se, but the idea of him. Of his lips pressing against hers. Of his body pressing against hers. Of him pressing against her.

His lips are too thin, and too dry. She doesn't like that. She likes lips that are plump, and soft, and delicate, and maybe a bit chappy. And yeah, maybe it's, like, politically incorrect and offensive for her to not want to kiss him because of his lips are the way they are, but still.

And he's too hairy, and too sweaty, and too big, and she doesn't like the way he smells. And the way he talks. And the way he walks. And the way he breathes.

There are too many things about him she doesn't like.

There are too many things about boys in general she doesn't like.

Yeah. There's no way she's going to be his friend, let alone kiss him.

Lexi keeps herself from wrinkling her nose in disgust. "I'm sorry, but I just don't like you like that."

"Oh, c'mon, please? Just one kiss?" He looks at her like she owes him something. "I'm not even asking you to suck my dick or anything. Just a kiss."

No. Not just something. He's looking at her like she owes him the world. The whole fucking world.

Lexi shakes her head. "Sorry, Blane."

"It's Blake. Tucker Blake."

Lexi gulps. She doesn't care what his name is. She doesn't care who _he_ is. She just wants to be left alone in peace. "Can you please get off of me so I can go to class?"

Tucker's frown deepens. "Why won't you kiss me?"

"Maybe because I don't like you?" She pushes her body into him, causing him to stumble, and giving her the chance to walk away and into the crowd, where she realises what the answer is.

Maybe it's not just because he's too hairy, or too big, or too smelly.

Maybe it's not because of him at all.

Maybe it's because he's not _her._

…

Lexi accepts his invitation to go to the Freshman Formal because she feels bad for him, and pretends that it's because she thinks he's cute and he may make a good boyfriend.

All throughout the event, she keeps thinking of that 'her' person that won't stop invading her mind. She tries to find ways to shut those thoughts down, but none really works, so she settles for a simple, "She's your best friend, Lexi," and pretends that everything's fine.

Then Rue teaches her how to French kiss, and the reality that everything is _not_ fine and she's _totally_ falling for her best friend hits her like a truck full of more trucks. That have bricks in them.

Lexi cancels the date, and pretends that she doesn't.

She tries to work off the courage to maybe tell not Rue herself, but someone else about how she feels-

-but then Rue ODed, and she got into a coma, then rehab happens, and all thoughts about how much she wants to kiss Rue fades into the background, replaced by unfounded fear that she'll lose Rue before she gets the chance to do so.

…

Lexi's breath, cold, escapes her mouth when Rue walks out of the changing room.

Rue looks like a Duke from the, like, Medieval times or something. And not just any Duch, but the one everyone talks about. The one that's kind of rogue-ish, kind of mysterious, but really charming and sweet and full of wits.

It makes Lexi feel like a peasant in comparison. Like a simple farm girl from a simple family living a simple life who could do nothing but admire Rue and all of her grace, and hope for nothing but a simple smile and nod from her. Those two little things would mean the world to her, and the rest of every girl everywhere. Everyone would flounder at The Greatness' eyes.

So, in short- "Whoa."

Rue Bennett + Tuxedo = A quivering, gay and panicking Lexi Howard who may or may not be turned on.

"I look stupid. Fuck, I look so stupid." The blush in Rue's face brings out her faded, almost non-existent freckles. "I shouldn't- let me just change. I look stupid, and I am stupid, and I should just wear a hoodie to the party."

The curtains flop and sway as Rue disappears behind it.

It takes Lexi too long of a time to realise what's happened, and when she does, she runs on too much impulse and adrenaline, and shouts a clipped, "Wait, Rue!"

She runs into the changing stall only to bump into Rue who turns around in only her black bra and their bodies press together because of how cramped this stall is and _oh God I did not think this through._

"Umm…"

"Uhh…"

Words. Use them. "Rue, don't- don't take off your clothes." Rue raises her eyebrow. Lexi winces. "I mean- you look great! Really, you do. You're gonna kill it at the party."

"Oh?" Rue's eyebrow rises higher, and so does the other one. Her smile is toothy and wide, and Lexi mirrors it. "Anyone ever told you how eloquent you are, Lex?"

Lexi breaks into a chuckle. She shoves Rue by the chest, and her shoulder hunches down as she says, "Shut up."

Rue leans so she can push her back, but trips. Her face lands right at Lexi's collarbone, and Lexi's hands claw onto her hips to keep her from falling.

Lexi leans her back against the doorframe to add more balance for the both of them. Rue says something, but Lexi can't hear her, not with how badly her heart is beating and how loudly her ears are roaring.

Do it, the opportunistic part of her mind says. She's right there, and there's only the two of you here. Do it before the moment's gone. C'mon, Lexi! _Do it!_

She looks down, and Rue looks up, and Rue stops trying to speak, and suddenly this all feels more special than two childhood best friends stumbling around in a tiny changing room.

Rue's eyes are wide, and her lips are parted open. God, why can't she get just how beautiful she is? And her nose. It has a small bump to it, and it's so, so cute. She's so cute. And Lexi can't take it anymore - this proximity, close as it may be - so she erases it altogether.

It's she who kisses Rue. And it's Rue who freezes.

It's different from her first kiss. This one is warmer, and longer, and hungrier. Lexi thinks that it may be because she's already known how Rue's lips feel, and she's been craving it for a while now. But maybe, judging by the way Rue starts to kiss her back, she's not the only one hungry for childhood-best-friend-kisses in this room.

Lexi still doesn't quite know what to do with her hands, or lips, or body, but she goes with what she wants to do, and doesn't care in the slightest with whether or not she's inexperienced or clumsy.

She pours her everything into Rue, and Rue does the same. It should be overwhelming, but it isn't. It's almost the opposite, in fact. It's exciting, but safe and comforting at the same time. It's passionate and lustful and fast-paced, but intimate and lazy and innocent too.

It's weird.

Kissing's weird.

In a good way.

Now she knows why people obsess over them.

When they pull a part, a small sense of logic and clarity returns to Lexi, and quickly, she gasps. "Holy shit."

Lexi wants to apologise, but Rue steals the apology from her with a kiss. The kiss is shorter, and feels more like a resolution than a climax like before, but Lexi enjoys it all the same.

It's Rue who gasps this time. "Holy shit."

"Right?!"

Rue pushes herself off of Lexi to stare at her with fascinated eyes. "Holy shit that was amazing."

"I think I wanna date you."

The fascination switches into glee and amusement. Rue grins, bright in a way that takes her breath away. "Holy shit I think I wanna date you too."

Lexi wants to jump and cry and scream and hug Rue until she gets admitted to the hospital again. "Holy shit," Lexi says.

"Right?!"

Lexi looks at Rue, and Rue looks at Lexi, and yeah, maybe it's stupid that they've kissed each other and kind of dangerous considering that they're best friends and this can escalate into something kind of serious in a way they're not ready, but, eh, they're teenagers anyway, they're supposed to be stupid.


End file.
